


Had By One and All

by Bonfoi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gift Fic, HP: EWE, PWP, Post Second Voldemort War, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:17:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonfoi/pseuds/Bonfoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all about making a new start after the war, about forging new relationships...and maybe showing others just what they're missing.</p>
<hr/><p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Inspired by torino10154’s <a href="http://torino10154.insanejournal.com/705445.html">2nd Annual Blow Job Friday</a> post</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Had By One and All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [torino10154](https://archiveofourown.org/users/torino10154/gifts).



> **A/N:** Many, many thanks to torino10154 for giving me something to look forward to after all the cooking, the cleaning-up, and the fact I have to go to work today. This is an off-the-cuff bit of fun that clears the cobwebs, limbers up the smut muscles and just makes the day that much more fun. _Minor editing: 8 June 2014._

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****  
_ Disclaimer:_  
The world of Harry Potter, its characters and settings are the copyrighted works of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., her publishing companies and affiliates. No profit was made from the writing of this story nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author or the actors/actresses who so brilliantly have brought them to life.

This author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country.

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"Nguh!" The sound of something hitting the solid wood of the door echoed down the hall. "Do...do that again," a man's voice whined. There was heavy breathing, a throaty chuckle, and then muffled moans.

Harry put his pillow over his head and cringed. _They_ were at it again.

"Suck me, damn you! Harder!"

"Oh, Severus...your wish is my command." The sound of fingernails scrabbling at the panelling, and boot heels stamping on the floor joined the moans and slurping sounds of what was becoming a nightly event.

"Damn you, Lupin, how do you rate such an, an... _oh, Morgana's tits_...an agile t-t-tongue?" Snape groaned out between a slue of other noises. There was the sound of something ripping, more than likely the git's buttoned-up robes.

"Come here," Snape said in a husky whisper, which sounded like they were _right_ outside Harry's bedroom door. "I've got p-p-plans..."

The obscene squelching sound of someone pulling off another bloke's knob, saliva on his chin—Harry pressed the pillow around his head harder, but he could almost see the damned sounds, they were so vibrant!

"Do you think Harry heard us, Severus?" Remus asked in a roughened, smoky whiskey kind of voice. Remus who was like an uncle to Harry, who was kind, and sweet, and protective—and a bloody randy teenager in an adult's body—by what Harry had been hearing every night for the past two weeks.

Someone knocked against the wall and then laughed. It was too low to be Remus, and he was moaning like a Knockturn Alley whore anyway, so it had to be Snape. Snape who was all things dark and dangerous and...and...insatiable. Harry gave up using the pillow as earmuffs and fumed, staring up into the depths of his four-poster bed. _Not fair! He was young and available. **He** should be getting shagged on a daily basis, not beaky-nosed, sour Snape!_

The sounds died down a bit and then someone—not Snape and not Remus—cleared their throat and cast a biting Lumos. Harry saw the light under the bottom of his door and leaned up on his arms, interested in this change to the situation.

"Severus Snape!" The voice was young, plummy, and arrogant. Yes! The two old cocksuckers had woken up Draco Malfoy from his totally unnecessary beauty sleep. Harry grinned wickedly and listened intently.

"Enough's enough, godfather. You and your...your swain have disrupted my rest for the last time this week. You should be setting an example for me, not fornicat—"

"Severus, did the little swot just say we were fornicating?" Remus sounded a bit tipsy, which didn't make sense, because before he'd been quite lucid while giving head, or well, after that. There was a rustle of material and the ping of something, a button perhaps, flying off and hitting the wall or something. "I still have my trousers but-buttoned," Remus hiccupped. "Can't bugger you if I'm buttoned now, can I?"

Snape cleared his throat and Harry could picture the glare he was sending Malfoy's way. "Well, it took you long enough, godson. I _am_ setting you a fine example. You're just behaving like a Hufflepuff without a backbone and ignoring it." Something thumped on Harry's door. "I've got my Gryffindor, you lazy sod. Go get yours. They're much better in your bed than any fantasy you've been having in your dreams." 

The thump occurred again, louder, and Harry realized it was his door getting whacked. "That goes for you, too, Harry, lad!" Remus called out in a sing-song tone. "Slide your tongue around your own Slytherin and I'll keep mine away from your hallway from now on."

"Hey!" Harry shouted as he bolted out of bed. He stumbled over his slippers and got to the door just as the two instigators were haring off down the hall, and toward the stairs that led to the floor above. Harry squinted at Malfoy's fuzzy but bright form and huffed out a breath. Neither one of them spoke for a long moment.

A Patronus, a very sleek, very well-fed raven flew down the hall and stopped midway between the two young wizards. "Will you two just go into one room for the night at least? Matchmaking is taking a toll on my knees!" Remus' voice boomed out.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck and then grinned nearsightedly at Malfoy. "Malfoy, care to come inside and see if we can spoil whatever those two madmen have planned for us?" The Patronus squawked and disappeared.

Malfoy, Draco nodded and stepped closer. "First things first, Potter. My name's Draco, yours is Harry, and I think I'd like to try Severus' method of communicating first." He crowded Harry against the doorframe with his body and when one of Harry's arms came up around his waist, leaned in and kissed him.

Harry licked his lips without pulling away from Draco. He walked backward, awkward because he was pulling Draco with him, toward the bed. "You know, you might be on to something...Draco." Harry leaned forward and kissed his pointy chin. "How good's your hand-mouth coordination?"

Draco flung a few spells—Locking, Warding, and Silencing—toward Harry's door and then tossed his wand aside. "Oh, Harry, you should know by now that I'm very, very good with anything that has to do with you."

»¤«∞»¤«

Remus rolled over, away from the crystal ball he'd set on his bedside table and shared a smirk with the man currently scooting back to make room for him on the bed. "Well, that went well." He bit his lip when Severus climbed over one leg and settled himself between Remus' legs with a dark chuckle.

"Who says I did it for them, Remus?" Severus licked Remus' treasure trail and suggestively plunged his tongue in and out of the man's bellybutton a few times before speaking again. "I just wanted someone to cover up the noises when I make you scream my name." With a smouldering look, Severus bent his neck and proceeded to make Remus moan, whimper, beg, and, of course, repeatedly scream Severus' name.

Too bad they forgot their own Silencing Charms. Or, maybe not, since after that night, the residents of No. 12 Grimmauld were paired off—or in the case of Luna Lovegood, tripled, thriced, threesomed? Whatever. Nobody was lonely anymore.

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**STRANGE DOINGS IN GRIMMAULD PLACE**

For the last month residents of Grimmauld Place, London, have been reporting unearthly screams and moans coming from the alley way between Nos. 11 and 13. One resident, speaking on promise of anonymity, said it "sounded as if a bloody good shag was bein' 'ad by one an' all."

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_~~~ Comments, like rain in the desert, are greatly appreciated.  
Thank you for reading. ~~~_  



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